WORST BLOG AWARD
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- <p> <b></b></p><p> <b>Star:</b> Marco's not home so I ripped all of the sleeves off of my clothes and shaved one side of my head and went goth.</p><p></p><b>Someone:</b> why????<p></p><b>Star:</b> He's 100% of my impulse control<p></p><p></p>
- <p> <b>Washington:</b> ladies and gentlemen, you could've been anywhere in the world tonight</p><p></p><b>Washington:</b> literally anywhere<p></p><b>Washington:</b> why do you want to watch us discuss a financial plan<p></p><b>Washington:</b> seriously get a life<p></p><b>Washington:</b> *under his breath* nerds<p></p>
- <p> <b>Trauma survivors on tv:</b> (beautifully broken, delivers tearful speech on their traumas, hug it out)</p><p></p><b>Me:</b> (describes abusive event and laughs) BOY THAT SURE WAS FUCKED UP<p></p>
Hamilton, an American Musical: a summary
- <p> <b>Alexander Hamilton:</b> Damn, this kid survived and then some</p><p></p><b>Aaron Burr, Sir:</b> I have no idea what I'm doing<p></p><b>My Shot:</b> But it seems like none of you do either!<p></p><b>The Story of Tonight:</b> We have heartwarming aspirations<p></p><b>The Schuyler Sisters:</b> Fuck the patriarchy<p></p><b>Farmer Refuted:</b> Bro the king's not going to do anything<p></p><b>You'll Be Back:</b> Oh shit, I guess he is<p></p><b>Right Hand Man:</b> Desk work??? You've got to be kidding<p></p><b>Winter's Ball:</b> I think we're drunk<p></p><b>Helpless:</b> This is the best love story ever<p></p><b>Satisfied:</b> Never mind<p></p><b>The Story of Tonight Reprise:</b> We're definitely drunk<p></p><b>Wait For It:</b> Surprise, surprise! I do have ambitions!<p></p><b>Stay Alive:</b> THIS FUCKING GUY<p></p><b>Ten Duel Commandments:</b> Could this be foreshadowing? Nah<p></p><b>Meet Me Inside:</b> I done fucked up<p></p><b>That Would Be Enough:</b> Apparently my wife doesn't mind<p></p><b>Guns and Ships:</b> We're kicking ass. Alex! Come kick ass with us!<p></p><b>History Has Its Eyes on You:</b> Okay son time to tell you how the world works<p></p><b>Yorktown:</b> Everyone's kicking ass except the British<p></p><b>What Comes Next?:</b> Time for King George to have a hissy fit<p></p><b>Dear Theodosia:</b> This love is so pure oh my god<p></p><b>Non-Stop:</b> I'm still kicking ass but now I'm a lawyer<p></p><b>What'd I Miss:</b> All-American dance party<p></p><b>Cabinet Battle #1:</b> Well I lost that argument AND control of my emotions!<p></p><b>Take a Break:</b> Sorry fam I have to stay here and obsess over banks<p></p><b>Say No to This:</b> An affair? Well, I'm only a politician with a lot of money. What could possibly go wrong?<p></p><b>The Room Where It Happens:</b> Politics are frustrating<p></p><b>Schuyler Defeated:</b> Is this about me? Of course it is. Everything's about me<p></p><b>Cabinet Battle #2:</b> Screw France we gotta look out for America<p></p><b>Washington On Your Side:</b> We like to call ourselves the Bitter Squad<p></p><b>One Last Time:</b> You guys are exhausting I'm out<p></p><b>I Know Him:</b> Your baby nation antics are amusing to me<p></p><b>The Adams Administration:</b> I will roast everyone<p></p><b>We Know:</b> Okay now I know what could go wrong<p></p><b>Hurricane:</b> My past is sad<p></p><b>The Reynolds Pamphlet:</b> Turns out I will also roast myself<p></p><b>Burn:</b> Alex is a self centered little shit<p></p><b>Blow Us All Away:</b> I'm my father's son: combative and full of pride<p></p><b>Stay Alive Reprise:</b> Whoops<p></p><b>It's Quiet Uptown:</b> There could not be a worse coincidence than that stupid pamphlet and our son's death<p></p><b>The Election of 1800:</b> Okay I know I'm supposed to be grieving but here's one final roast for y'all<p></p><b>Your Obedient Servant:</b> Passive aggressive fight turns into real fight<p></p><b>Best of Wives and Best of Women:</b> The hell are you going boy<p></p><b>The World Was Wide Enough:</b> Whoops Pt 2<p></p><b>Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story:</b> Eliza wins the prize for best character growth you can all go home<p></p>
- <p> <b>intrusive thoughts:</b> you should go get hit by a car</p><p></p><b>me:</b> but that would make the driver upset<p></p>
straight people keep asking me how i can hate straight people when my parents, who conceived me, are straight. the joke is on them because my parents are bisexual and i hop on my bike, tooting my horn all the way through the parking lot. you idiots. you fools
- <p> <b>2016 good end:</b> trump killed by clown(s)</p><p></p><b>2016 neutral end:</b> hillary wins by decent margin and trump goes tf away<p></p><b>2016 bad end:</b> trump loses but sticks around & won’t shut his godawful mouth<p></p><b>2016 apocalyptic end:</b> trump wins the presidency, america, presumably, falls into ruin<p></p>
Tbh, if I were immortal, rather than learn more things, I’d probably just increase my procrastination levels.
Someone: oh you’re learning Spanish?
Me: yeah, I’m nowhere near conversational though. I just know a few basic words…
Someone: oh, when did you start taking classes?
Me: 1846
